So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
