You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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