My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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