Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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