Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
PANTIES FOUND
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
