I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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