I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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