His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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