I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
