So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
