It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
