dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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