So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
