I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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