Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
