Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
