Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
