Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Panties = found
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
