then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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