The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
