Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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