I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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