When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked a lego.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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