she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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