Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
