My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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