dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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