I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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