I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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