exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
