no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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