bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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