you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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