He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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