Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
