Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
