i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
