brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
