Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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