he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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