I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm passing your future prison.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
