my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
