I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
