My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So squirting runs in the family.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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