Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
