i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
