He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
