i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
