Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
