totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
