Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
