I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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