walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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